1+1 is 11

April 5th, 2008 [007]

One fine morning, while pondering upon the course of her life, Cathy stumbled across a certain shoe. It was a magical shoe; Cathy knew this at first sight, because it was kindly labeled “Magical” with a tag. So, as any right-minded person would do, she picked it up and rubbed the side of it with her sleeve. And soon enough, the much-expected Genie floated out.
The Genie created purple smoke, but didn’t seem to like it. It changed it to green, then introduced itself to Cathy. It told her that it was the Genie of the Adidas Shoe, and that it had been slumbering for quite a long time now. It offered to grant three of Cathy’s most desired wishes.
It Huffed… and it Puffed….
But it didn’t take too long for Cathy to figure out what she wanted. So she went up to the Genie and said, “I would like to be a genius mathematician, and discover a certain theorem or law that will disprove the entire mathematical foundation as it is.”
The Genie wasn’t sure why Cathy wanted such a wish, but granted it anyway.
Cathy had somehow become a professor of MIT. Her autobiography [titled: “Looking forward to meet Einstein in Heaven”] was displayed through the Barnes & Nobles windows, and she found math textbooks to be much thinner and containing less content than she had remembered. It was all very delightful. To think that the world was now full of only the things that mattered; it was like enjoying a day at Charlie’s Chocolate Factory without the mutating candies. But great things don’t last, and the Genie of the Adidas Shoe was quick to tell her that its friend, the Genie of the Math Textbook was rather pissed. So Cathy told it that she would very much like to move onto her second wish.
The Genie sat down by the sidewalk, and waited patiently.
Cathy told it, “I would like a certain pill to be developed.”
The Genie asked her if she wanted anything more specific. Cathy told him that she did.
“One of these pills at lunchtime, for example, should cover all the important nutrition and stimulate the stomach just enough to satisfy it. People who don’t want to eat, don’t have time to eat, or have gone to somewhere exotic where the food doesn’t appeal, will have a choice to have this pill instead. There should be no harmful effects for long-term use of this pill, and it must be available in any nearby stores.” Cathy remembered the many lunch times she needed for some last minute cramming.
The Genie listened carefully, then asked Cathy if it could make the pill green, and she told him yes, as long it wasn’t neon green. Or else it would rather feel like swallowing a frog.
The scenery changed in a whirl, and Cathy found herself standing in between one of the isles in Seven Eleven. It was dazzling. A shelf was dedicated for “Genie” pills, with a Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner, each in heavy, normal, and diet. They were all in different shades of green. The Genie was satisfied of its work, and so was Cathy.

For her last wish, Cathy asked the Genie to allow her three more wishes. The Genie first denied, but eventually gave in after Cathy said that she would either wish that or wish the Genie of the Shoe to be lost 2000 Fathoms under the sea forever.

It was then Cathy realized that she was still the genius MIT professor who absolutely disoriented the academia of math. The Genie of the Math Textbook might still be coming after her, so she reckoned that she would wish herself out of it. She gave it away to some random name that just might be out there— say, Harry Potter, so that the upset Textbook Genie could unleash on somebody else.

So Cathy was Cathy Minlian Kim again.
A content Korean girl that goes to an International School, who plays soccer, is rather short, who excels in Social Studies and English but cannot calculate 1+1 to save her life.

Last time I saw her, she was bugging the Genie to let her speak every language in the world. Quite absurd! Wouldn’t really want to be her.

Postscript: since there were no Harry Potters anywhere to be found, the wish got “returned,” then “lost.” Math regained its former position as a legitimate subject, and Cathy forgot the math-disproving theorem, which is a shame. Maybe she’ll remember it in the near future.